This one is a doooozy.
I am as high as a kite; the world is woozy…
and coming down would be walking into the approaching
waters of a category 5 hurricane, suicide by drowning in my own
obscurity. So, I will just stay up here where I can be lost
and not feel guilty because I can’t find my way. A mental
drifter with no real home or place to stay; calmness forming
because I know that my time is coming up short and I won’t
have to prepare for another race to pretend I am okay. Just
a memory down a timeline where people play like they were
there with me along the way.
I was reluctant to post this one, because I wrote it last week after a binge of Xanax
and Zoloft, trying to take the edge off. In retrospect, I realize how dangerous my
mind was sitting in that moment in time. My life sparks were slowly burning off, one by
one, and I honestly wasn’t afraid of the darkness, should it have me.
I am sharing this because I want someone else who is reading this and can relate to understand that you are NOT alone. Often times, we feel like others don’t care about what we are going through, but really it is because they don’t know how to respond. When someone lacks remembrance that they have a purpose/or they have lost it (and I feel that it is better to understand that we do NOT know what our purpose ..but rather, that we have one period) then it is easier to give up on life.
I see a lot of people letting us know that life for them is ending soon on social media. It breaks my heart because I can relate. I can relate to the cry for help, and I can relate to not wanting to face it/be talked down to about it/have it be minimized. Depression is a real ,REAL thing, and if I can help one other person feel like they need to speak their hardest thoughts then I am here to listen with my whole heart, mind, and soul.