You think that you were hurting me,
but I promise I was letting you.
Because we are
By a surrounding so dirty,
By people, so dirty;
My heart will break
My air will be
She could fold me up
Like a piece of paper
I was whole
Now I am origami
Everything about her was a horror movie.
I await her next move, and it was a nightmare.
How someone so murderous
Could make me feel
I turned the air conditioner on 69 because I keep
waking up in hot sweats.
Losing the battle over who my mind should be on
Trying to remain controlled, though my mind is on
like a light switch spasming from faulty
electricity. Its not fair that you get to sleep
through the night,
When I am the one who has been disrespected.
But I try to keep my thoughts blank, because
thinking about the unfairness causes my mind to
blank, anger rushes out of me like it were running
late, no real refrained composure, my heart
shakes in my chest feeling like compulsions, when
is it appropriate to lose control? Mourning my
time like it was a child of mine, wanting it back
because it feels like everything else has declined
around me, losing you I thought to be a tragedy
until i looked at everything in clarity, so many
chances I’ve given you to love me- something I
thought to be so special because others seemed
too lazy, you were just a really bad actress and it
kills me, how I waited out your performance
because I thought you were improving, now I’m
back uncomfortable with my back, head, and
heart hurting. You’re going to regret everything
you’ve ever done to me, of this I’m sure. When it
really hits you, its over this time for good.
Can be so painful sometimes.
Especially when life takes your voice away. Writing a poem no longer feels like a skill or a hobby, it becomes a task. A life or death situation that no one can save you from but yourself, words just drift around your head space; tortuous banner, taking away any ability to relieve your stress.
I imagine that is what writers block feels for you as well?
Every once in a while I stare at my blog post drafts and sigh, what the hell is drying up my creative juices these days?
Oh well. I read somewhere that “If you can’t be a poet, be the poem.” So I will continue to live my life until a movement moves and then soothes me.
I’m moving all the way down,
Motions and emotions
You tell me to keep going,
But I stop right…there.
Have I ever told you that your body
And not just any beautiful, more like
The kind that lingers long after one closes their eyes.
Art, changing a non-believer;
Perfect specimen, sexual healer.
You go to hide away,
I pull your hand away,
Baby, I know you…
I love that body like it owns me,
From each curve of your legs, to the sounds your mouth makes,
No dusk nor day break
Can keep you from my head space.
I just wanted to remind you…
Easy to see clearly when cleaned properly.
No blemishes or streaks to block visibility
Outside you’d find sun and palm trees,
But only if you are looking.
Aka, learn from your past, don’t let it stop you from seeing the beauty of what’s ahead of you.
So what makes a bigger fool, love or pride? Intuition makes her heart much harder than usual. Her senses are magnified, what if she were right all along? She didn't want to be. Looking back on easier days, she'd never have to worry about someones whereabouts, because she simply didn't care. "Nice guys finish last", or maybe the assholes did, but they didn't care so it was hardly noticed...moments of rejection seemed foreign because there was always another option waiting for the call, always waiting to obtain the unattainable, who was never really unattainable, just cautious...full of pride, knowing that love was for fools. She was tempted to take a drag of a cigarette. Wanted to calm her nerves before she walked in the building. Her lover, her cause for plight was currently M.I.A. Not missing in action but making it arduous to figure out her motives. Why was she there? Her previous route would be to find a replacement, but she knew that doing that would only fulfill a temporary gratification, her mind would still be clouded with questions, heart still filled with mourning. She didn't know what she was trying to figure out, or why she was trying to hold on... but she was, and it was exhausting her.
Disconcertingly, My eyes are as clairvoyant as the moon, I see you through and through, but yet- you are a stranger. I've loved you until the sun calls, while heaviness in my heart makes tears fall Can't save myself from all of the tumors called feelings, taking me down like a cancer.