Surprise

You think that you were hurting me,

but I promise I was letting you.

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The Liar- Part (1)

I stare at my lies in the face.
They have become invaluable to me;
A presence of being majestic,
Taking over my existence.
They have replaced┬áthe person that you’ve┬ádecided to spend
your life with,
becoming more important than the relationships that
I have committed to.
Who do I tell that I have fallen in love with
my own destruction?
That continuous disappointments have led me down
the path of being satisfied with self sabotage,
and the only thing that matters is that
I stop denying the fact that it has control over me.
I have amputated your arms from your shoulders
Your legs from your hips
Took away your heart from your chest
and left you with nothing but lies you couldn’t keep up with.

The last hoorah.

Toxic.
Your eyes,
No hope.
Inside,
Dying.
Friendships,
Dying.
Trust,
Dying.
Loyalty,
A lie.
Never will
We breathe
Clean air
Because we are
Polluted
By a surrounding so dirty,
By people, so dirty;
Uncontrolled,
Controlling
Us
Like puppets.
You leave
8 days
Away,
Far away.
My heart will break
But,
My air will be
Clean then.

Day 1- cab ride from the airport -I10

 

NEW ORLEANS, LA- HALLOWEEN, 2015

FLYING AWAY FROM SAN DIEGO

SAN DIEGO IS SO BRIGHT. THE SUN SHINES EVEN WHEN THE RAIN IS FALLING, THE PEOPLE ARE WASTING AWAY INTO SOCIAL MEDIA MADNESS. BUT, I CAN APPRECIATE THE BLESSINGS THAT ARE BEYOND THE WORLDLY MADNESS.
I PUT MY PHONE INTO MY BAG AND LOOK OUTSIDE OF MY PLANE WINDOW…TIME TO SEE BEAUTY, SEE THE UGLY, AND REMINISCE ABOUT THE POWER OF BOTH.

 

 

As we rise on the highway 10 towards hotel ste helene, I look at the superdome and feel an immediate sense of sad nostalgia. Just a few years ago there were victims of nature floating across misplaced bodies of water, anonymous in name but at one point someone’s child, parent, sibling. I close my eyes and imagine this place looking like a third war country, torn into bits and pieces with humans lying around and an entire earth of people surrounding them to offer very little assistance. Hotel Katrina and Louisiana, I come to visit you, and I can still feel the pain.

The walking dead

Tragedy feels like a motion picture.
I feel it hurting me, but only temporary… like a scene in a tear jerker movie.
Tomorrow I will wake as if it never happened.

As if yesterday,
I didn’t die from heartbreak.

3 pills in

I’ve forgotten that I had to breathe just like the rest of them. That, I had to live just not like the rest of them. Never happy, just surviving. Unaware of what is the best of me. It is Friday, 9:33 pm. 3 pills in and I am waiting for my head to start spinning, For my heart to stop racing, slow pace it’s way back to human speed

I am far from a being. Or yet maybe a being with anxiety so ritualistic that it’s like my chest has dubstep on repeat… waiting for the unknown moment anxiously. To get away from this feeling because it is destroying all things around me.