My life burned down in nasty flames;

I am a woman who has never escaped from the fire
And I don’t know what is scarier,
The fact that I live through it

Or the fact that I can’t live without it.


Always in mid-bloom


You are so wrong.
You see, I've never had an opportunity to see your flowers in full 
I've smelled them, I knew that they existed,
but your roots were exposed from the moment you smiled your 
first lie in the middle of that wine bar;
You expected me to be like the rest of them, but I am of my
own kind,
and like Common said "It doesn't take all day long to see the sun shine"
You were withering away, roots exposed to the world, stomped on viciously 
throughout the day, people stomping on your ability to blossom, 
but I decided to insert myself inside you and water you at your base.

Think about where you were, and about what you were are. I have been
 focused on continuous growth for you.

For what it’s worth.

A penny on the ground is

Only picked up by those who see the value.

Not in how much it is worth,

But how many around the world would love a chance to find it.

A gift is a gift, even the ones we may step over.

Somebody somewhere would love a chance to earn it.

Appreciate what you have.  Appreciate the gifts that surround you.

Just keep looking

Nostalgia is hitting me like a ton of bricks this Sunday. I can close my eyes and see the person that I was not too long ago. Before the relationship and the hardship, I was struggling a different kind of way, longing for closeness to someone but not just anyone, all while maintaining to hold the worst parts of me together, tackily hanging all my dysfunction on the walls in my brain, safe enough for me to look at alone.

Can’t say if those times were any better than today. Right now I feel dizzy from all of the thinking, planning, and micro-managing. Wondering what turn I made for things to fall into the space that they’ve fallen in. One thing that I can put my finger on is my disorganization. Things are all over the place. Clothes, shoes, the kitchen, Ambers car. My money situation, my thoughts, my needs, my wants. All jumbled together in a big giant space of mess. I write down what needs to be fixed daily, but once that is done I find myself overwhelmed and feeling spent. Laziness isn’t exactly the feeling, it is more like ignorance, I can admit that I have no idea what I am doing in this game of adulthood. My mom didn’t exactly give me all of the tools needed to succeed, and I am finding with age that there are many, many tools. Some that I have been trying to find for several years. I look at Amber and I wonder what she is thinking, I tell myself that she is crazy to stay with me. On the other hand I can admit that she really has no idea what she has gotten herself into.

Guess she will have to stay tuned.

The walking dead

Tragedy feels like a motion picture.
I feel it hurting me, but only temporary… like a scene in a tear jerker movie.
Tomorrow I will wake as if it never happened.

As if yesterday,
I didn’t die from heartbreak.