I don’t even know who you are.
After a year has passed, and multiple clashes have existed between us, the same question plagues me like a mental illness. Who are you?
I can put together vague descriptions, a puerile yet beautiful human playing reprisals as if it were a game of chess, never understanding that I had given up a long time ago, standing by idly and waiting for the light bulb to turn on above your head…surely that would be the expectation since you’re still around me begging for another chance to redeem your questionable behavior, after the initial feeling of anger I laugh at our relationships nature, we are -nowhere- near the same, our differences so drastic that I am surprised that we have even last as long as we did, our issues an epitome of lesbian stereotypes, placing ourselves in the center of a proverbial paradox- suffering in this relationship of a pseudo love to say that we have a lover, yeah I know…it confuses me too.
I thought that I wanted answers, but I don’t. I thought that…maybe a little more time would address what didn’t make sense inside of me, how chemistry could seem so promising but really it has always been me promising myself that I wouldn’t have to be alone again mentally, that the void previously filled so sporadically would soon be a distant memory, along with the many other things that have hurt me, but no…I was wrong about this one too. Now, I miss those lonely days because at least they were not angry, they weren’t questioning…every move of the person laying next to me, I didn’t care and that is a beautiful feeling, one that is misunderstood and taken lightly.
Oh well. Back to the basics, right?