The first night is always the hardest

First night alone in a long time. It’s official, I am now single again. The dog keeps looking at me like she knows that I’m hurting, her eyes are deep and worrisome, just like mine. I keep battling myself, asking if I should get up and do something…anything to make myself feel better, but I know nothing will help at this moment.

I guess I have no choice but to feel this with my entire heart, allow my brain to go in circles, until it’s tired and let’s me go to sleep. I want to ask where she is, what she’s doing, but I know that It goes against the new dynamic of  our situation, the fact that we are no longer together, and now there is just me, the thing I’ve been worried about all along, and that made her day. Guess I was just the newest thing she waited on to fail.

I feel anger, which is good. It helps with the  numbing process. I keep telling myself that I can just leave and go somewhere else, that I have no reason to stay here, but I can’t move. I’ve been stuck in this same place on the couch for several hours now.

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