Luvher.

Your heart is filthy…

But I love

You

Enough to dust it off;

In a time

Where

People are too lazy to do

Their own cleaning.

-luvher

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I wish

 

 

 

That things were just different.
Easier to digest.
To be the prototype of your expectations
Or even just understanding of your limitations.
That life protected us enough, to trust
what our hearts tell us,
That we continue to hang on to the things that helps frame us.
But our minds are equip to barr away anything that we expect to hurt us,
Sometimes love puts on a costume to hide what it feels inside,
Timid and shy
Looking like that monster of uncertainty we try to hide from when the feeling isn’t right.
History writes sad stories of pain even while a new story emerges,
And your pain is more important than me, powerful enough to destroy us.
I wish that
Things could be better between you and me
Or at least good enough to start over
But after a year of you and me I’m starting to think that this is merely fantasy.

Accusation A

What I am thinking when you say that I don’t love you.

 

I think about my writing. The poems, the stories.

67 poems have come from my feelings for you.

28 sit in my drafts folder, the remainder posted for everyone

to see.

Each one I can read and go back to the emotion that

bred each word. Moments of love, sex, and wildness

that would write a novel, crowding up space in my mind.

Not all of the thoughts are beautiful, some are abusive

and take some healing on my side, but that’s why I am

baffled by your accusation, surely- nothing but love can

make you cry 67 pieces of words scrambled together to

release the emotional hold, no longer in control of what

is written, only the decision to be open

 

Not sure if it’s the time change or because things have changed

I turned the air conditioner on 69 because I keep

waking up in hot sweats.

Losing the battle over who my mind should be on

Trying to remain controlled, though my mind is on

like a light switch spasming from faulty

electricity. Its not fair that you get to sleep

through the night,

When I am the one who has been disrespected.

But I try to keep my thoughts blank, because

thinking about the unfairness causes my mind to

blank, anger rushes out of me like it were running
late, no real refrained composure, my heart

shakes in my chest feeling like compulsions, when

is it appropriate to lose control? Mourning my

time like it was a child of mine, wanting it back

because it feels like everything else has declined

around me, losing you I thought to be a tragedy

until i looked at everything in clarity, so many

chances I’ve given you to love me- something I

thought to be so special because others seemed

too lazy, you were just a really bad actress and it
kills me, how I waited out your performance

because I thought you were improving, now I’m

back uncomfortable with my back, head, and

heart hurting. You’re going to regret everything

you’ve ever done to me, of this I’m sure. When it

really hits you, its over this time for good.

The absolute

worst kind of person is the one who cheats and then blames it on you,

The one that lies but never had to;

That sleeps peacefully each night knowing that they have betrayed you.

I will forgive you, because that is just how my heart works…but I will never let you in again.