Thoughts

Moments just keep ticking away.
history.
The air is misty and cold upon my face,
I’m just waiting for something to hit me.
No answers are given, just more questions
On the test, trying to figure out if every one
Of these inquests really lead to you being
The one major source of my distress, why I am
Losing everything around me as if I were
Fighting for the last straw to my hut in a war
Torn Country in Africa, slowly we disintegrate
Into nothing, but plan on becoming everything…
Or so it seems. I’m preparing for the next obstacle
To guide me, send me into a lovers whirlwind that
Includes positive vibes and comfortable feelings,
Of You coming to our home with smiles of appreciation
Plastered on your face like plastic surgery has corrected
You, and me being happy that I have such a supportive
Partner to walk along side me as we pass through the
Monsters, whether they are people or situations that
aren’t too promising; you know you have me, as I you.
Instead I’m forced to rearrange my plans, write down my next move,
Cross out your name and replace it with doomed, we are
Like bankruptcy, waiting for credit to be reinstated,
Hoping to be debt free. Our minds are like the court system,
Seemingly giving us the chance to get it right, but again our hearts
Are unforgiving, no chance for redemption,
making the same mistakes over and over like we are repeating
strike three, serving a life sentence together In a prison
Where strangers control our destiny, from telling one that
The other is a manipulator to “convincing” us to lie to each other
In order to go out and get a drink, truth is poison and our lips
Protect the other, if you only knew that I’d rather die from
An honorable death of knowing than to live buried to my
Knees in lies, so much to lose in time, confused as to why
You’d sacrifice that just to make sure my anger didn’t arise.
The universe speaks so freely about our opportunities and we
Close our ears defiantly. Sounds like whispers, sounds like that
Misty air that hits me. That unbreakable feeling, that’s what I’m missing.
Falling in love with someone lovable;
Who deserves to be loved, but not by me
Because her love mixed with my love is nothing
More than war, and the idea of her being in love
With me was nothing more than a dream; of someone
Wanting me more than the one before her, waiting for
That moment where I’d feel so good, where everything made sense.

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The Last Hoorah

Toxic.
Your eyes,
No hope.
Inside,
Dying.
Friendships,
Dying.
Trust,
Dying.
Loyalty,
A lie.
Never will
We breathe
Clean air
Because we are
Polluted
By a surrounding so dirty,
By people, so dirty;
Uncontrolled,
Controlling
Us
Like puppets.
You leave
8 days
Away,
Far away.
My heart will break
But,
My air will be
Clean then.

I am smoking

Smoking

I am smoking past myself
Hoping that I outlast the path of my past
Smoking the last
Dream I’ve had
And watching it burn away;
It’s going away-
Not
Becoming what
I’ve tried speaking into existence
I’m walking hopelessly away from a distance
Reality shows no mercy when you don’t
Take advantage of your second chance
Second-hand
Smoke leads you into a cloud
Cloudy judgment
Leaving you asking
Where’s my passion?
Doubts, have to run past them
Until they disappear, into the smoke
Regain hope,
Until it all clears away.

WOTD- Killing pride

I suppose being a writer exposes you. Your weaknesses, your unhappiness.
I’ve fought myself to be more subtle in my thoughts and needs. Retracting back to a day where I kept everything inside, in hopes to save myself from making others uncomfortable.

But…I believe that bringing secrets and thoughts to life allows them to die peacefully. Holding things inside is like a ghost consuming your body, haunting away any growth that may ensue.