When the smoke clears

Are you my biggest fan when the world is against me?
Can I turn to you for clarity when the questions become consuming?
Did you know that when I’ve sought after you, it was never for fornication
but for an escape from mediocrity?
Your memories are your pillows, and they are the theatre to your nightmares,
I cuddle up behind you while you reminisce for what is mere minutes
but feels like an eternity. My only intent is to bend you in ways so
uncomfortable that you’d one day wake up to self-realizations and have no choice but to remember only me…

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Who Said It?- Religion

No religion basically believes that material progress alone is sufficient for humankind.  All religions believe in forces beyond material progress.  All agree that it is very important and worthwhile to make a strong effort to serve human society.

To do this, it is important that we understand each other.  In the past, due to narrow-mindedness and other factors, there has sometimes been discord between religious groups.  This should not happen again.  If we look deeply into the value of a religion in the context of the worldwide situation, we can easily transcend these unfortunate happenings.  For, there are many areas of common ground on which we can have harmony.  Let us just be side by side- helping, respecting, and understanding each other – in common effort to serve humankind.  The aim of human society must be the compassionate betterment of human beings.

We are now going through a period of demolition. In morals, in social life, in politics, in medicine, and in religion there is a universal upturning of foundations. But the day of reconstruction seems to be looming, and now the grand question is: Are there any sure and universal principles that will evolve a harmonious system in which we shall all agree?

time: 7:44 pm

I cried this time;
Because
The fight was real this time
The end feels real this time
Can’t help but wonder how we lasted all this time
But no sense in trying to recount time
Because we can’t bring back time.

Worst part of it all
Is we’ve spent a days time
Ending months of a relationship built and refined through time
Over a pastime that matters less than the 9..8..7
Experiences before you and I became you and I…

I’ve lost, failed and all.
You. Myself.
Is it too late this time?
I don’t know…

“Tha Black”

This  poem was featured on a website 3 years ago…one of the first that I posted on my hacked blog “Write and Prosper”. Still love it. Not just because of the message, but because of the way I wrote it. I wanted people to really take time to read the words in, so I put them together.

Tha Black…

Thablack standsaboveoceanswhenunexpected
cansinkwhentheheartisheavy
butshewillneverdrown.
timewillreleasetheanguishinhertheart
youwillneverbringherdown.
Plantyourseedinhermidanatomy
Shetakesthatpain, individually.
Thablackmakesavowtothatseed
Hewillgrowtobethenewmillenniumrevolutionary
continuingthelegacyofstrongblackman
thatwasskippedoveryou.
Thablack
Taughtbyancestorstowalkonburningsand
birthed,clothed,fed,cried,fought,andlaidonthegroundforyou, 
withoutherinthisworldyouwouldntknowwhattodo.
Withprideyouoffercastigation,andshetakesyourverbalblows
Yourwordshurtlikepointyneedles
Thablack
Stillstandsaboveoceanswhenunexpected
cansinkwhentheheartisheavy
butshewillneverdrown.

Trust Left In A Rush

Kymmie The Writer

Trust .

Heavy hazed.

Confused because I don’t know how to feel about this recent battle of words. Cutting each other like swords, childish insults thrown around in circles like we were playing tether ball during recess in the 5th grade. I failed and crashed during your last test, guess I was your test dummy of trust. Our relationship on its death-bed so I know these are my last words, mutual agreement to pull the plug on this lifeline. Thoughts abandoned while I kissed those lips, intimate activity amiss. My eyes open, guess I was looking for you.  I cried my tears to this loss, trust being the biggest, as you scream back my betrayal. I thought you knew me? Time and time again I tried to avoid you but you got me. And now as my name changes from baby to slut, from forever to “why did I ever…?”, I can go back…

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Have To Start Over.

This sick feel just won’t go away. Everything that I eat or drink doesn’t seem to stay down. Probably from a mixture of things. I “celebrated” my new life changes a little too hard yesterday, and it left me completely incoherent and pretty much a dead body up until this very moment. My head is pounding, stomach turned upside down, and on top of that my heart broken because my girlfriend broke up with me while I was passed out from alcohol poisoning. I’m feeling pretty low. Stresses are being relieved, but a new one seems to be in the shadows, can’t seem to keep up with myself because something always happens. Ironic enough that I get rid of the one thing that made me the most unhappy, and in the process lost the one person I did look forward to having. A reminder that regardless of how much I may be accepting of others, no one else (but my mama, of course) will be there for me during my vulnerable times.
 
 
Boohoo.
 
Now I lay here, figuring out my next move. I jumped in between “Should I change my number now?”, to “Maybe ill get a second job.” But have come to a conclusion that I just need to relax. Accept. Move on. Hope you all are having a better day than me.

Journal Entry: Plans

If you only knew of my plans.
They are full and adventurous. Require an open mind and strength.
 
There was one morning when I woke up around 3 am, a common occurrence when my mind is clouded. You were snoring lightly, laying right beside me with your arm resting across my rib. I was thinking about my plans. I always have some, whether they are short-term or reserved for moments very far away…I am writing it down, going over it in my head, putting details together. In that moment, I told myself that my next couple of moves would include you. Getting a puppy, starting a poetry book together, even surprising you with a ticket to Dallas so you could see your best friend. So many plans…so many hopes, ideas. That day, I had finally felt like the relationship was on the right track. Sure, we bickered a little, had a fight every once in a while, but we were getting to a place of understanding. I felt like you were beginning to understand who I was, and I was getting a better idea of who you were as well.  I got so excited because that was the moment that I’d been waiting for. That moment of comfort, knowing that I wasn’t just dating this girl on a trial basis. You were your most beautiful to me, because the layers were beginning to peel away, and although you were at times embarrassed about things, I saw them as true identifiers of you, someone who I was trying to know on a deeper level, one that couldn’t be tainted by outside sources.
 
Plans. 
 
I had planned a special evening with you for this weekend. The dinner…wasn’t enough for me. I am extravagant when it comes to romance, I want to do things for the ones that I love, I think that I’ve shared that and have even shown that in many ways. I made sure to pick up the bottle of wine and items I needed for my plan. It was to drive us to a park by the water in Pacific Beach, give you your Valentines Day present, talk, and give you the poem that I wrote for the occasion. I also purchased 3 tickets to go paintballing with your sister, because she wanted that and you wanted it as well. I have and would do anything for you. Thats just me.
 
Always changing plans.
 
I wish….you were in my body. I wish you could see just how much I’ve planned for you. For us. But, It’s so hard to stick to plans now, because this doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t feel like love. When you walked in the door, attitude ruled. No affection. No care. No plans to show me you missed me. I tried to coax myself by saying “Kym, ignore it. She shows the effort. Right?” No. Not right. Your effort is not matched. It is not equal. It is not planned…and executed, on any level. Ever. As much as it pains me to accept this as truth, we just can’t ever plan anything together, because we are in two different places. In life, in beliefs, in this relationship. I can’t…keep planning things and feeling disappointed.
 
 
You left, walked out without closing my door, with my mother sleeping on the couch. No respect. It made me think of my plans again. I always have them. They always include you…but perhaps your actions are telling me that I need to change them.