I have a war going on inside of my body. Forgiveness is struggling...but it keeps up the fight, because it knows that my heart hasn't always been pure. My actions fueled by the inconsistency of yours, You playing it safe by holding on to the melodramatic of your old loves. Last night I felt some of the fire inside me burn out. The salubrious future is overshadowed by an uncomfortable present, a smothering past. Think I'm just tired of trying to compete with the dysfunction that you've grown accustomed. No matter the weight I carry or the plans I make, you are never going to belong to me and me only, you are owned by all of the previous and none of the future. But then again... We are a mirror image of one another. I've done the same thing too. Reach out to a piece of my life that never seems to go away. And it was a lot worse than what you've done. You've learned of that truth without my acknowledgement, and I sit back and think about the moment you were sitting on the edge of the bed, crying your eyes out and calling me a liar. Saying that you trusted me. It stings every time I think about it. I'd like for the cycle to be broken, but I think deep down inside that it will never change, that this is simply our reality, and if we were to continue being together then we'd just have to accept that as fate until love runs out and there is nothing but the truth to smack us in the face. We are weaker than weak, but both strong enough to take on the hurt. Two hearts filled with a past of dysfunction. Two hearts yearning to be together, but our lack of soul-connection leaves us in disjunction. No matter the fight. We are on life support, with neither one of us ready to pull the plug. Not yet. Not ready to let you go. So I am going to forgive you, because you forgave me..but I think my wall will be up too, just so I'll be ready for what happens next.