Here I am, still..

Laying in a bed with vibrant red roses, I am mistakes made over and over again, simply…or probably not simple but then again I am ever so human.

Reflecting my truest feelings…

How I am happy,

how I am


how I wish that someday I would live accepted amongst the masses;

Because I am a love virgin, I am a good person, I am open,
And I will see that I am rich after all,
Blessed after all,
Hugged in arms permanantly long .

It has been 3 years since i’ve started this blog. Which is weird because I can’t seem to finish anything that I have been starting lately, a writers nightmare. I am stuck in a state of Nostalgia, the exact thing that I am longing for is a mystery, however. I can’t pinpoint it to be a person, even though I have lost many, many friends in the past year. (That sounds terrible…) But I view it as shedding layers, shedding dead weight. Not all relationships are meant to last, and the ones that i’ve lost were never meant to last. So I am certain it is not that. Perhaps it is stress? lately, I have been dealing with a few health issues…some things that people don’t know about, other things people don’t care about (lol), but either way…I guess it has caused a little bit of stress on my head. So…I am going to try and post some stuff to keep things up to date with my readers.

I feel different.
It’s real this time, and very scary.
The difference consists of finding out how much of a stranger I am, to myself. Impossible for me to be known by outsiders, the truth is that I am in some sort of Pandora’s box of mystery, if it is opened it might take me to a place of no return. It may even destroy me. What is even more frightening is what not knowing what would be left of me when I am gone. What message did I send to everyone else? and what have I taught them through our relationship?….far far too many were left with chapters unread, some left with nothing on the pages, in those instances we had simply walked away mid-story with little desire to keep the creative juices flowing. Would the urge to know the real ending emerge if I were gone? Or will me being gone be the happily ever after in their version of what should be penned? if that were the case then I couldn’t blame them.

Sometimes I look at the things that I write, and I see why I am pegged as a dark writer. I don’t like the word dark to describe it though. When you think of dark, you think of depressed..sad…hurtful. I am none of those things all of the time, no more than any other human. I am no victim, my woes are simply story-starters. I’d rather look at myself as the fluid writer. I want you to see clearly through me, I want you to know exactly where my head was when I sat down to type this. I want you to envision exactly what it would be like to be me. At this time…and I am not 100% there yet, but when it happens I want you to say, “oh, I was there with her”.

Many thanks to those who follow me, support me, buy my book, and share my work…you are the best.

Happy New Year!


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