Grief whispers memories into your ear on a constant basis. You think about what they smell like, what they laugh like. Every single conversation is replayed in your mind like a song on repeat.
…Every moment before, you were prepared to lose them.
until you’ve lost them.
Now the strength that was once buried underneath your conscience
has subsided; evaporated with no sign of return.
Why do we have no mercy for our happiness? We are our own serial killers, murdering all possibilities because we are afraid of
one possibility; of once having said love, and its chance to no longer be yours to have.
If we could only hear over our heartbeats, that it never stays gone forever, unless we want it to be gone forever.
I have a war going on inside of my body.
Forgiveness is struggling...but it keeps up the fight, because it knows that my heart hasn't
always been pure.
My actions fueled by the inconsistency of yours,
You playing it safe by holding on to the
melodramatic of your old loves.
Last night I felt some of the fire inside me burn
out. The salubrious future is overshadowed by
an uncomfortable present, a smothering past.
Think I'm just tired of trying to compete with the dysfunction
that you've grown accustomed. No matter the weight
I carry or the plans I make, you are never going to belong
to me and me only, you are owned by all of the previous
and none of the future.
But then again...
We are a mirror image of one another.
I've done the same thing too. Reach out
to a piece of my life that never seems to go away. And it was a lot worse than what you've done.
You've learned of that truth without my acknowledgement,
and I sit back and think about
the moment you were sitting on the edge of the bed,
crying your eyes out and calling me a liar.
Saying that you trusted me. It stings every time
I think about it.
I'd like for the cycle to be broken, but I think deep down inside that it will never change, that this is simply
our reality, and if we were to continue being together then we'd just have to accept that as fate until love runs
out and there is nothing but the truth to smack us in the face. We are weaker than weak, but both strong enough
to take on the hurt. Two hearts filled with a past of dysfunction. Two hearts yearning to be together, but our
lack of soul-connection leaves us in disjunction. No matter the fight. We are on life support, with neither one
of us ready to pull the plug. Not yet.
Not ready to let you go. So I am going to forgive you, because you forgave me..but I think my wall will be up too,
just so I'll be ready for what happens next.
Who really understands the complications of mathematics?
Too lazy to comprehend the difficulties in division
I just know that the divide exists between our colors and it’s not
The common denominator is we’re human, though religion
creates subtraction of acceptance and deception carries the torch
When we act upon our terrorist activities just because we don’t want
to understand those who are different.
One plus one, carry the 2 and multiply by a billion, we all have the same
issues, passing through this lifeline trying to get an E for effort.
Einstein said E equals MC squared, the formula for energy and matter
Yet we put energy in issues that don’t matter
Multiplication in discrimination
Numbers high, a world epidemic taking over the minds of our children
As they watch and learn this hard world that we live in.
Guess if we want to solve this problem,
We have to do the math.
The walls close in on you and the air becomes thinner, and you spend your next moments trying to suck it all in. You’re afraid to run outside because everyone seems to be against you, so you’d rather let this suffocation cave inside you. You’ve survived this long. You. And those moment of no longer having expectations seem to be in front of you, you haven’t reached it yet, because there is that voice that is hoping that they’d come to your rescue. They never do. It’s always just you. You.
Its just like a slug,
like other bugs;
and they move
until no more.
Dreading, no love lasting
like family passing
Anxiety grabs me
and it’s horrifying
so I eat my sins and swallow
Don’t hide my sweet. Be strong.
Love scares me too,
but hold on.
Can’t let the world make you hard.
There are those who will say whatever
And lift you hardly ever;
to make you feel lower than the ground
you walk on..