October gloom

Something woke me up this morning.

It was the need to put on some comfortable clothing and go for a walk out in the fall air, to not listen to any music or take along a friend, it was to just spend some time with myself. Once I started on my trail, I was hit with an epiphany. For months now I have felt completely unraveled underneath my skin, my thoughts were consuming/almost obsessive. I’ve had this hunger to change myself and things around me, wanting everything to match the pace that I was moving in. But then, it hit me. I need to be silent. Not only verbally, but mentally as well. I am taking a vow to not speak to anyone via social media or phone/text for 5 days, just so that I can re-arrange my feelings and put my life/thoughts in order. Only communication I will have is indirect, which is my blog.

I know that it seems extreme, but there is a lot of power behind silence. When I speak my words, they are basically my way of exposing myself. That self-imposed subjection is even more difficult for a person like me, I am hot or cold, black or white, so when I share it means that I have allowed myself to show weakness, that can be like an amusement park to hurt for some people who are hurt themselves.

Hopefully I will find some peace. Hopefully peace will find me…and if any of my relationships are real they will shine bright enough that I can walk to them after 5 days of darkness.


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