Thoughts, Reflections, Hardships.

This is not intended to be a poem. These are just words and thoughts.

Reflections.

Hardships.

I doubt that this will ever cross your path, because I don’t recall you ever being interested in any of my creative work.
But, I had to make mention that you are a part of every one of my memories, dreams, and disappointments.
We look at forever as an expectation, perhaps that is the reason we are so disheartened when we are slapped with the unexpected,
one day having the feeling of calling you after every last life circumstance
Being bothered inside when you didn’t listen, or watched you watch the sky as you waited for me to finish.
I never said anything,
because the flaws and all are why I loved you as much as I did.

We had a very tame relationship.
Arguments were always defused with watered down apologies
Opinions were stifled to keep us both from drowning in one another’s
personalities,
we were different, but that was accepted as long as we didn’t openly acknowledge it.
As time went on and we got older, times got harder, and ill feelings got stronger,
we failed to hold on to the each other, probably from weakness
we were holding on to ourselves for much too long to be able to carry on one another’s issues.
You were crying for me through others voices, sarcastic comments mimicking internal
grievances, for a long time you mourned the loss of me
But for me, the end of our relationship was a sudden death.

Looking around me now, I see nothing but changes. Different laughter, different relationships, but the same feelings.
Wondering how I could stomach the possibility of getting close to another you again, when I know that eventually
they too will just be a part of every one of my memories, leaving me nothing but a past to think about and life lessons to
compare their replacements to, the wheel just keeps on turning, and I am in the middle with my legs running as fast as they
can hoping that a relationship with forever jumps in and runs with me. Hoping that maybe this new person
won’t take my being human as a weakness and more like a reality, accept me everyday and love me anyway…
It would be like winning the lottery.

this post applies to more than one person. It applies to many.
Some I have not met yet, others that are no more than a memory…
a stain on my brain.

Okay, enough ranting. Back to writing my story.

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