Thoughts, Reflections, Hardships.

This is not intended to be a poem. These are just words and thoughts.



I doubt that this will ever cross your path, because I don’t recall you ever being interested in any of my creative work.
But, I had to make mention that you are a part of every one of my memories, dreams, and disappointments.
We look at forever as an expectation, perhaps that is the reason we are so disheartened when we are slapped with the unexpected,
one day having the feeling of calling you after every last life circumstance
Being bothered inside when you didn’t listen, or watched you watch the sky as you waited for me to finish.
I never said anything,
because the flaws and all are why I loved you as much as I did.

We had a very tame relationship.
Arguments were always defused with watered down apologies
Opinions were stifled to keep us both from drowning in one another’s
we were different, but that was accepted as long as we didn’t openly acknowledge it.
As time went on and we got older, times got harder, and ill feelings got stronger,
we failed to hold on to the each other, probably from weakness
we were holding on to ourselves for much too long to be able to carry on one another’s issues.
You were crying for me through others voices, sarcastic comments mimicking internal
grievances, for a long time you mourned the loss of me
But for me, the end of our relationship was a sudden death.

Looking around me now, I see nothing but changes. Different laughter, different relationships, but the same feelings.
Wondering how I could stomach the possibility of getting close to another you again, when I know that eventually
they too will just be a part of every one of my memories, leaving me nothing but a past to think about and life lessons to
compare their replacements to, the wheel just keeps on turning, and I am in the middle with my legs running as fast as they
can hoping that a relationship with forever jumps in and runs with me. Hoping that maybe this new person
won’t take my being human as a weakness and more like a reality, accept me everyday and love me anyway…
It would be like winning the lottery.

this post applies to more than one person. It applies to many.
Some I have not met yet, others that are no more than a memory…
a stain on my brain.

Okay, enough ranting. Back to writing my story.


Discoveries Of A Love Half-Wit

A million times I've heard you say goodbye.

I was certain.
Surely, no matter the circumstance, I'd always
have an opportunity to hear you say "Hi.."
But this time, you leave me with uncertainty, 

like what color eyes do I have
or what was my favorite food...
I remember putting my hands up some skirts, in some blouses,
through some feelings, squeezing hearts to the pulp as if they were
The whole time thinking "She's gone but never away from me..."
but you leave me with uncertainty, like what should I have said yesterday?..
and why am I alone today?
When just yesterday, I was sure,
Your body was mine to parish and rebuild at my discretion
Give me your heart.
Give me your time.
But, don't give me stress lines..

or like a nomad with no real heart or home;
I'd just simply walk away,
and know that your heartbreak was simply a temporary goodbye.

They say love is like a river that keeps flowing, sounded like bullshit.
but I see that the river hasn't dried, but began to stream another way
Now I am certain,
that my water supply comes from my own cries.

What Perfection Contains

One of my favorite poems written by ME 😀

I am not courageous, nor brave
I am merely a human forced into
the net of natural strength.

I am never perfect, or even close
My flaws carry burdens heavier
then what perfection can contain.

I am not joyful, not even happy
My sorrows can be the ambassador
of the longest frown

I am the owner of the clearest vision
I see hearts when they are not freed
They pump through life colorless, like me

I hear those who remain silent
because I too understand the language
of those whom never heard a love song

Even when I am not understood, nor cherished
I skip through at a pace only realists grace
Proud of my ability to accept inability

-And live life as a human does.


I won’t pretend to be.


Only sometimes.

And yes I may be;


Every time,

I will always be.

Forever, in every way,


Ten Things That I’ve Learned From My Friends

Have you ever looked at your friends and thought “o_______O, why the HELL am I so close to these people?”.

They are the friends that you don’t understand but can’t picture your life without. They are the ones you have those uncomfortable conversations with that you can’t even fathom sharing with your family members. My circle of friends is very small, literally consists of a few people and they have been around for a very long time. Yes, they get on my nerves. Almost to the point that I would want to strangle them! But…I can’t see myself not having them around. After a night of performing drunk and disorderly acts, I thought I would dedicate one of my daily blog entries to the things they have taught me. Through their mistakes, their advice, the fights, cries, and laughs, you can count on them to pass on a lesson or two, whether you pick up on it immediately or not.

Accept others for who they are.

Me and my friends are about as similar as a dog and a catfish. From relationship views, home life, goals, ideals, political views, and even the idea of sexuality. Each one of them has a very different view on each of those topics, and that is why I love them. Even when I can’t and don’t understand why and how they do things, I accept and love them anyway because I am sure they feel the same way about me. I’ve grown to take each opinion and lifestyle that is shared with me with a grain on salt.

Appreciate the ones who prove they are true to themselves and YOU

They may not always be what you would want to be, but they are who they are. Every year we interact with hundreds of people, sometimes thousands, and its pretty obviously that people are not going to display their true selves. But when you have a friendship with someone for several years and they have consistently been who they are, then you can appreciate the honesty that is shared.

Wrap it UP!

I love my friends kids, but man has she taught me that I make a much better aunt than I do a mommy (right now anyway). At times I wish that we could all just buy a plane ticket and fly to the Bahamas together, all single bachelorettes with no kiddie baggage to tote around the airport in hopes that they would go to sleep. But the reality is…that’s not going to happen. So I can definitely say that I have been taught about wrapping it up when I get down! No kids for me! haha!

Don’t Get Too Involved In Your Friends’ Love Lives

As much as you would like to save them from the big scary emotional monster called love, you simply can’t. In the past, I would get so wrapped up and almost insulted and hurt whenever I felt I was offering my friends the answer to their relationship woes and they were nodded to but ignored. But I have found that women react better with the same approach that men have been giving for ages. Don’t talk, just listen, and agree. When my friends are telling me about their relationships, they are not asking me for answers, they are asking me to listen. I have heard them

Live A Little.

It is easy to get stuck and stressed by all of the responsibilities of being an adult. So many bills to pay, so many moves to make, so many expectations. But a few of my friends live a life that is carefree and positive. I want that to rub off on me, so I am going to live a little bit more.

Keep your crew small and tight

There is nothing like having a lot of friends, so I thought! I’ve learned that having a bunch of friends proves to be messy, emotionally consuming, hard to maintain, and leaves room for lingering relationships that may do more harm than good. Keep your crew tight. Even one true friend beats out 10 that don’t have your best interest at heart.

Be involved in a COM- Circle Of Motivation

Can you imagine the power that would ensue if you had a group of people around you that were *motivated*? I have had friends that were just slowly moving through life with no real aspirations, and although I know it isn’t my life they are wasting, there is no comparison to having friends that are all making moves. Success should run in pacts. If you have a friend that is just floating through life, do what you can to push them up to be better…if being better is not their goal, then perhaps its time you focus on those who have the similarity of completing goals. Who knows, you moving up just might motivate them.


Be Open to different people/things

You would think that having exact characteristics as the people around you would make for a perfect friendship. But honestly, I find that having friends who have different lifestyles or cultural backgrounds is both educating and interesting. I’ve experienced different foods, languages, religions, and beliefs, just from hanging out with people who didn’t grow up in the same background. I think that’s great! I don’t see how someone could be prejudice in a world that offers so many beautiful things! You can experience that face to face with who you befriend.

Don’t Be Too Proud

Often times, we believe that we are right in situations and are too stubborn to make the first move to fix things. If you know you have a good person in your life then don’t wait too long to resurrect your friendship. I’ve walked away from a couple of situations with regret, and I have had people walk away from me with no intent to rectify the situation. I’ve learned that I should put my pride aside and apologize when needed. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree and focus on the bigger picture.


Be Yourself!

The only friends that I would walk away from-and not look back- are the ones that spend more time discussing what parts of me that they do not agree with more than discussing their appreciation of me as a person in their lives. If they are against a part of who you are, and make it blatantly obvious that they do not respect you or your lifestyle, then perhaps they should not be in your life. That is just my personal opinion. But I will always and forever be myself, and no one else. If they can’t deal, they gotta go! A true friendship is when you are free to be yourself without any judgement. That shows a true to blue homie right there.

Okay, that’s all. Hope this helps you appreciate the good message you get from your crew everyday.