He was shamelessly mysterious.
An actor with incredible talents.
Beautiful man to the eye.
Spoke intelligence into the air.
Every woman’s dream.
That He was my husband. So calm in his demeanor, never seemed to be afflicted by me or my lifestyle. Before this day at Niomies house, I would have never in a million years knew that he was a man broken, a pariah of love, one foot off the edge of sanity with me standing behind him pushing him towards the sea with no going back. I thought he was solid as a rock. But he was merely the best actor in my life movie. I couldn’t move any of the muscles in my body, it were as if I was sleeping and watching a horror movie with that predictable storyline. Cheating wife and the once seemingly calm husband who turns out to be deranged. Decides to kills wife’s’ lover in cold blood. I was on the outside looking in, telling myself to run, but I couldn’t.
He pushed my body with force over to Niomies sectional sofa, the one that she was looking towards. Her eyes were open, she was clearly shocked and afraid when she took her last breath, it was all over her face. “What the fuck are you doing Jay? What the fuck?” I said. I stare, in sheer disbelief. I couldn’t look away from his face. He looked down at me as well, the same facial expression that I’ve never seen before. “ Mi, what the fuck are YOU doing? You haven’t had enough of embarrassing me yet? Testing my manhood?”
“Oh, so you’re killing people because you feel like your manhood is tested? You knew I was bi-sexual when you met me!” I screamed. No longer afraid of the wrath to come behind it.
“I don’t give a damn about your sexuality! Yeah I knew you ate pussy, so what! I am talking about you and your little friend stealing money from me.” He grabbed me by my jacket collar with rage and threw me in the direction of Niomies body, causing me to land right next to her. I jumped away.”OH MY GOD!” I cried. There were no words to express myself. I have never been good at sharing all of the information that people needed to know, and what Niomie didn’t know was I placing a plan together that would allow for she and I to move away from our lives full of heterosexual boredom and onto a life that would be more our speed. A life that included $100,000 of my husbands’ dirty money. He did some drug running for the Mexican mafia for a year and managed to make a nice chunk of funds. When I overheard he and a couple of friends quietly discussing that information during a card game one evening, I knew that my natural instinct would lead me to scheme a way to get that money without him knowing it was me. After all, he was sharing it with all of his dishonest friends from around the way, men who spent way too much time figuring out ways to screw other people around, I figured that when my husband discovered the money was gone, I would plant the seed that they were the ones to look at. I shared this information with Niomie during pillow talk, and she was originally against the idea. But soon she realized that she would have me to herself in the end and so together we put the plan in motion. Wait for him to leave for work for a few days, stage a robbery to happen by a strange masked man, and leave his wife at home feeling shaken up. Happens all the time, right? Well, all of that wasn’t even necessary because one I went down into the attic to look for a few boxes of winter clothes, I spotted the bag unprotected and of easy access. I expected there to be boobie traps and cameras facing down on it, but nothing of the sort was around. It was almost too easy. It had been about one week since I took the black duffel bag full the crisp $100 dollar bills and took it to a secret hiding place, and since I hadn’t heard a word about it from Jay I figured that he hadn’t found out yet. The dead body lying in front of me said otherwise. “What are you talking about? What money?”
“Look, your girl over there tried to play stupid too, and you see what happened to her. Now tell me where my money is, and I’ll walk away from you like this and US never happened. If you don’t, then I’ll have to shoot you in your head and then carry both you and this chick here out into your car and burn you alive. Now be smart about what your next words are going to be.” The hatred in his eyes spoke volumes. Any amount of love that he had for me previously has subsided, dissipated into nonexistence.
You never surmise past the thought of life, of living. You are just here planning what you’re going to do next, what kind of person you want to be with, what kind of person you want people to know you as. You never really think about what happens with your legacy after you are gone. I have created a life that was built to satisfy me. To humor me. Relationships were merely a part of my everyday entertainment, and that was probably why I never paid much attention to my husband and his indifference to our relationship, his lack of requirement of fulfillment from me. He pointed the gun at me, signaling that he was waiting for an answer. “Well?” Just as I was about to buy myself some time, a woman comes down the stairs that lead to Niomies bedroom. She had long auburn brown hair, caramel toned skin, and full lips. Her eyes were round and brown, giving off a look of innocence. The lesbian in me was drawn into her, the lesbian in me spoke loudly, that she was beautiful, but her saying “It’s not in there. I don’t think it’s here” brought me back to reality. She was the accomplice to my husband’s murderous plot. “Look Mi, I don’t want to kill you. Just please tell me where I can find this bag. I’ll even break you off a piece. That’s better than your alternative, right?” He moved his gun up and down before stopping once again at my forehead. He was right. I wasn’t prepared to die, not yet. I had a plan to execute before my demise. One that included me and him. “Okay. I know where it is. But, how do I know you aren’t going to kill me when I tell you?” I ask cautiously. He smiled as he replied, “Guess you’ll just have to take my word.”
The duffel bag was hidden in a public storage facility that I rented about 5 miles from our home. I told him that I would take him to the money, but I wanted to walk through the public storage’s’ front office so they know that I was there. He agreed to my terms, however, His girl who I learned was named Linda, did not. “No. How do we know that she won’t go and tell the people in the front office?” He rubbed his chin, contemplating her argument. “She won’t. She’s smarter than that. But I’ll tell you right now, if all of my money is not there then you will be a missing person, regardless of who sees you.”
We all jumped into my Audi and headed to the storage place. It was currently 6:39 p.m, exactly 19 minutes away from the storage’s closing hour of 7:00 p.m. I felt my blood rushing to my brain. I thought about telling them that we can’t get in after 7 pm and to wait until tomorrow, but judging from the way he was speaking to me, and the way he killed Niomie, I know that it would be no problem for him to take my life. He’d pilfer away my last breath just as I filched away his money. To him, it seems they are worth the same. “Now we are going to get in here, get into the storage unit, and get out. I still need to figure out what to do with the body.” He says to Linda. “Okay baby.” she replies, then turns to face the back seat of the car, where I am sitting. With a scowl on her face she spits, “You look like you could be a dyke bitch. You guys are everywhere.” She shakes her head. “Hey!” Jay hurls out. “YOU don’t talk to her. You talk to me. Understand?” He turns his head to look at her to her of the authority in their union. Something that he NEVER did with me. Made me wonder who I was married to, this man was not him. I looked out of the window and changed my focus to what chain of events would have to happen in order for me to get out of this situation. Did I have anything I could use as a weapon in the car? I went over the items that could possibly be in my trunk. Clothes. Shoes. A couple of documents here and there. I may have some home decor item. Pepper spray. Pepper spray! An old colleague brought me a can after taking a few self-defense classes when she was shaken up from an attempted rape she faced a few months back. I through it in the side compartment of my trunk. Didn’t think I would ever need it. Now, the need surpasses every morsel of food in the world, more than every drop of water to sustain my body. My life depended on it. We pulled into the parking lot and stopped in front of the office door. Sign reads big as day, “Office open from 8 a.m to 6 p.m, Storage gates open until 8 p.m everyday”. Fuck. Now I have to figure out a way to distract them while I get the spray. With the key curled into my fist, I steadied my voice and said “I just need to grab the key from out of the trunk.”, “Yeah, ill come with you.” He jumped out of the car. My god how am I going to do this? I panicked. I had to find a way to grab it myself without look suspicious. I got out of the car and he popped the truck, standing behind me. Okay. It is on the right side. I turned to look at him, gauge his voice point. “I’ve been meaning to clean this out.” He gave me a blank stare. No response. No emotion. Just business. Ok. I reach both hands into the compartment and see the silver metallic can. Yes. It’s here. I grab it with my right hand with is also holding the keys, and quickly shifted it to my left hand. Have to disguise this right. Without trying to close the trunk, I turned around and threw the keys toward Jay. No gun in either one of his hands. Good. “Close the trunk and let’s go.” He walks towards the driver’s seat of the car and says something to his lady, and then walks back towards me. “What’s the code?” I am now afraid. The money is here, and my life is on the brink of ending. What if he has decided to kill me? I had to come up with a game plan. I punched in the code to open the door. 498908. We walked in, me leading the way. We needed storage room 1907. We passed up 1902, 1904, finally coming to 1907 on our left hand side. He placed the key into the lock of my 5’x5’ unit, undid the bolt and opened the door and looked in. It was there, clear as day. I never spent a dollar of the money, because I wanted to wait until the affect of the “home invasion” were to ensue and pass. That way me and my beautiful lady could walk away with 100 grand and live in bliss. Something that will never happen. “You know Mi, I am really disappointed in you.” Jay starts. “I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted. Stability, love, sex, freedom. You were a lucky woman.” He unzips the duffel bag to count the contents. “Stealing money from me and then expecting me to be stupid enough not to notice, not to have a video camera in the attic, is just insulting. What a great payback. I shielded a lot away from you, because I didn’t want to hurt you. A part of me still doesn’t. But now, I know that I can’t trust you. That’s going to be a problem.” I didn’t know if he meant that romantically or figuratively, due to the situation. Either way, I offered up nothing in response. I guess deep down, he gave me all of those things but didn’t give me the one thing I needed, which was desire. Fascination. He goes through each stack of 100 bills with speed. Once he was finished counting the money, he zipped up the bag and handed me the keys. “Lock this place up and let’s get out of here.” My nervousness starts to kick in. I feel sweaty, worn out. We take the short walk back to the car, where he opens my back passenger seat door. “Get in.” I do as told. He throws himself into the driver’s side and places the duffel bag on Linda’s lap. Quickly, darkness came. The sky was the color of navy blue. No stars out. Cynicism hit me like a thrown brick, perhaps I was not allowed a wish. I was to simply take my fate, as a large part of me knew that I was going to die today. “You are going to kill me, aren’t you Jay?” I asked while looking out of the window. His answer took its time to escape him. Like, he was battling the good and bad guy on his shoulder.
You should do it, says the right side.
No…let her live, sympathizes the left.
He found an answer that works for him. “No. I am not going to kill you.”
I took a breath.
“Linda is going to kill you”. He glances at Linda. They share a laugh. Motherfucker.
I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to whine. I was going to sit here in the back seat of my car, and I was going to transform. I am not the girl in the movies. I will have agility. I will be the predator. I will be evil, and deadly. I will kill him first. “I just can’t risk having you alive Mi. You betrayed me. I know for a fact you will do it again. Can you blame me?” I looked over his way and glanced down at his gun. Right in the middle compartment of my car. Just where I wanted it to be.
“If you would have just stayed the fuck out of my business. We wouldn’t have this very issue right now. I wouldn’t have to pick up your friend and take you guys to a remote place to burn you up. You’d probably be at home, writing about one of your whorish sexcapades.” I never, ever, had him speak to me this way. Speaking at me. Speaking down to me. So much new going on around me, but I didn’t have time to ponder. I stopped listening to him, and starting putting my next move together. It is plan time. I looked out of the window of the car and noticed the trees; we were on Murrieta Rd, taking the back streets way back to Niomies house. Soon we would approach the business park of Conjunction St, filled with research buildings and auto smog shops, which is never really busy, not even during the day. Slouching, I sat up and made myself alert, it was now or never, because they are discussing the details of my murder. I took the pepper spray from my right pocket and prepared myself to spray. Surely, we would get into a car accident, but that would give me enough time to grab the gun. His eyes would move from the road, to the rear-view mirror, and then over to Linda. Like a traditional pattern, he never broke it. Road, rear-view mirror, Linda. I waited a couple of time for the rotation to get to road, I wanted his to be looking at Linda, and like the Phantom, I would spray his AND her face until they are crippled in pain and confusion. I had to make sure that there was no safety to release on the spray. There wasn’t.
Now I was ready.
I had to be swift. Like a cat. Wait until the right moment and then BOOM, I’d spray and then grab the gun before we crashed. And when the moment was right, that was exactly what I did. It only took one second to lean all the way forward, aimed the can right at his eyes, right when he looked at his mistress, and pressed down on the button to release the oleoresin capsicum. “AW FUCK!” he screams as he reached for his eyes. He stomps on the breaks. Thank God. No accident. Linda was concerned with his wellbeing, not so much the fact that I was about to spray her as well. I did just that, then I pushed my body towards the front of the car and grabs the 9 millimeter gun. It was now or never. If I stopped to think about what I was about to do, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. But, I made a transformation to my writer mind, the one with no inhibitions. The one that can switch from sane to maniacal, all for the sake of experience.
I was going to say shut up. To not move. Wanted to do what they did to me, but I didn’t. I did what they did to Niomie. I shot once, hitting Jay on the side of his head. Linda screams so piercingly that it would send any other normal person back to reality, but not me. I remained right where I was. “Shut the fuck up, now!” She immediately quiets down to a whimper. I look around to see where we were. Perfect, just where I wanted us to be. A quiet long road with very little traffic. I didn’t have time to plan out my next move, and I knew I didn’t have any time before I had to call the police, I got out of the car and went to open the door for Linda. “Step out for a minute.” She stepped out, keeping her eyes to the floor and her voice as innocent as a 6 year child. “Please. I didn’t want to do it, he made me. I wasn’t going to kill you”. I just let her ramble on, no longer concerned with her and Jays plot to kill me, I went back to 2 hours ago when she disrespected me. Called me out of my name.
I step closer to her, ordering her to look up at me. She does.
I never take my gaze off of her, focusing on her eyes. Forcing her to look into me. She’s shaking, unaware of my next move. Probably thinking that I was going to shoot her. I wasn’t. Not sure if I was going to later or not. But I was, however, going to prove a point.
I grabbed her by her chin and kissed her passionately, she tried to resist me for a second, then stopped trying. I bit her bottom lip, causing enough pain to make her wince. Fuck this girl. I remove my mouth from hers, then my tongue and moved it to her neck, also placing my gun free hand on her breast, moving my hand under her blouse. She had nice firm titties. I thought I heard a moan, but to be sure I had to move my way down, so I did. Moving my fingers down into her shorts, reaching for her clit. Just as I thought, wet. I removed my moist fingers from her crevice and then slapped her with heavy force, all coming from my palm. “Who is the dyke bitch now?” I see on her face that she is stunned and then ashamed. By her bodies reaction to me, or by her previous actions..I am unsure. “Give me your phone”. I demand, “No, please not from my phone!” “I SAID GIVE ME YOUR PHONE BITCH!” she reaches for her bag in the front seat of the car and hands me her phone, with tears streaming down her face. Just as they didn’t previously, I had no remorse. I made a call to the police, told them that there was a dead man here on the 800 block of Murrieta St. When they came to investigate, I was going to tell them my version of the truth. My husband killed my friend, attempted to kill me as well, and forced me to pepper stray and shoot him before he shot me. Would I be charged with murder? I don’t know, but just in case I was going to take the bag full of money and hide it, then deal with the circumstances later. A car drove past slowly, looking into the scene, but I don’t think that they noticed my dead husband in the backseat, just two uneasy women standing around an awkwardly parked vehicle. I grabbed the money bag from the front seat and turned to face Linda. “Go.” She looked down to the ground. “Look, you are facing life if I tell them you are involved in this. I am giving you an opportunity to go. I will take the money; you will get your freedom.” She went to grab her belongings and walked away from the scene, walked away from the reason she took my friend’s life, and was on her way to take mine. I looked into the car and looked at my husband slouched over on the steering wheel, blood splattered all over my car. I contemplated if I should have left the scene for the police to find, but knew that they would come looking for me as a primary suspect so I decided to stay.
I held the bag of money in my hand, thought about what it made him do, made me do. The power of money is overwhelming, because just like that my life was going to be completely different. Now I am left only with a bag of currency that would soon be gone forever, suddenly I was hit with the reality that it wasn’t worth it in the slightest bit. I took the bag and placed it back into the vehicle, I heard the sirens wailing down the street. My fate is no longer in my hands; it is all based on circumstance and luck. The only thing that is clear is that I lost my chance in the case of unadulterated love. I was a 27-year-old woman, and although I still am graced with the next breath, I am the woman who has fallen to her death tonight because I never took the risk of not chasing what I wanted. I lost my ultimate destiny with Niomie, her death is the suicide of me.